When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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