Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
