My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
