My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
