Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
