I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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