meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
