don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
