I wish my penis had an off switch
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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