so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
