At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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