pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
