I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
