She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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