You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
