I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
