he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
