we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
