you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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