I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the condom got lost in my hair
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
