At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
even my farts smell like vagina
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
