Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Randomize
