He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
