too bad you live with your parents still
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
