She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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