Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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