I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
