I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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