i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
