thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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