I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
