I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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