??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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