either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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