$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
