How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
