Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
