I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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