I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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