i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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