all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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