K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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