Yo dont text me then not text me
i think my tv is drunk
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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