the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
