Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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