But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
