I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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