Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
