He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
