I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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