i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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