I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When did angry sex become our thing?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
