just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
