There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
