dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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