Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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