The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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