It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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