i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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