Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
