did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
