Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
