I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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