He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
foreskin is a definite game changer
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
