for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
