just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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