pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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