When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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