i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
