literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
