The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
