allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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