Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
