Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
