I'm eating all of the evidence.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
