I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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