wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think my fart just growled at me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
