WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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