Too much gin, very little bucket
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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