Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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