Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wish there were birth control emojis
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
