i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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