i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
