just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
