WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
